怖いの感じる (Feeling of afraid)

It's been 2 months since I came here.The reason for not coming back is always the same.
Lately I do realize something.

I realize that I'm kinda straightforward person,so most of the time I do things and speak without thinking twice but most of the time I didn't mean to hurt anyone but not everyone know me well so it will end up hurt someone accidentally anyway.

Other than that,I do hate reality alt,because it's always so cruel but on the way to grown up,I can't avoid it anymore.I do hope that I can have someone to tell my feeling and give me an opinion but it's always hard to start it,even if I manage to say it,due to too many things and kept too long causes I can't say it in the end.

Lately I also start to afraid of knowing people better.There are some friends that I get to know not long ago,and I'm really happy to know them actually but I'm not sure why as I getting curious to know them better it's like I will accidentally offend them due to my straightforward personality,so I start to afraid of knowing them more again.

The feeling of afraid is not ordinary but it born from my heart and causes my body to feel numb as well.I dun really know what to do so the only thing I can do is tell my blog about this.

いま（Now）

Hello here am I again.Getting lesser and lesser in posting not because no story to share,it's because my "Stupid Syndrome" still not yet recover.Maybe it won't recover already.

So not much story lately except last week I went back to my hometown Penang Butterworth to have a rest and it's definitely relaxing...^^...so thx to my classmate Sook Min to fetch me to her house's nearby LRT and it save me lot's of time using LRT then have to change Company again.So now it's only 3 station to arrive at Bukit Jalil and it's average 2min per station.

I'm late 5min to arrive at Bus Station but the bus depart at 4pm.LOL....dun expect Malaysia transport to be punctual as well.5 hours of Bus trip and when arrive already 11pm++ and I still washed all my clothes and by the time 1pm++,I already sleep like a pig until tomorrow morning.

Next day as scheduled,I'm going to Penang to have a walk with Serlyn,erm...but the outcome not really as good as I want it and kinda disaster after the Gurney walk.Well dun mention it anymore.Then the next 2 days I didn't go anywhere because all people is busy while Friday have a tomyam mee with Maw Seng.

Saturday I went to have a walk around Sunway Carnival with JH my old fren.I find a gift for Debbie since her birthday is soon and I'm at here,so ppan to get a gift for her.It's not that hard to buy a gift for her actually only need some time to find the right thing.After Sunway I send JH back then I go home to pack up the gift then go to Chai Leng Park to buy Dao Sha Beng for fren and bus ticket to go back KL as well.Who knows Sunday bus ticket finish....OMG....it's kinda good news that i get to stay alittle bit longer and hang out with fren..^^...Later I went to Pacific to find Vivien to pass the gift to her...she grown alot and more beautiful already...^^..nice to see her as cheerful as ever...so after walk arounda nd didn't found any interesting thing to buy so I went home already.

So Sunday I went to sing K with frens.It's really fun because sing K is part of my rest plan as well.Since beginning Maw Seng joking until the end and Michelle laugh alot as well.Then I think I sing more than before.Yes....definitely fun..^^...so later we go to have Burger King nearby Ah Ken's Penang house and it's new.We have a little chit chat and then went home.

There goes my holiday,end here.During these period of rest,I feel so relax because I have nothing to worry about and I hope that I can continue like this alittle bit more.Later when came back to KL,I start to avoid all responsibility and i dun want to lead in any assignment already.Then the result is obviously worry,but I also didn't care much already.For now I think I care of myself can already.

So the day is peaceful for a week.Then today suddenly I receive an SMS from my dear FYP mate,he said wanna disscuss FYP thing with me and ask me whether I'm free.Ofcuz I'm fixing the noob Office 2010 that will expire in 4 days time and I got Network packet tracer to do later,so I'm busy.

Follow up I get a ages of interesting SMS from him said that I just plan for myself then already sit there and didn't care of him anymore,he is totally dun understand about how my system goes and those software I ask him to use.If he continue and create an incompatible program with mine then we both GG together...WOW..sounds like I'm the one to be blame.

Well actually you know what,before August end,I researched the Netbean and MySQL server and how to connect them.Then I pass to him and with all those guide how to do it.Then I realise that JAVA can do webpage with the help of TomCat,if we both using NetBean,we sure can make our program compatible with each other since we both can use same database.My task for him is definitely easy,that is find a way to connect TomCat to NetBean and yet the answer I get is only a "Dunno".

That's not all,I ask him to find 4 accounting module for the online part and I even get info from my company's Online system and over 50 module passed to him and ask him to find 4 module that he think can be used and implement.Guess what,by the night he pass me the work,it's totally the same as what I tell him to do before,totally no changes made and none of the module is from the new module I get from company.I get angry ofcuz,yet I still try to fix the module and make a new proposal and pass up to supervisor and him.

Yet today,due to I have to do my homework,I get 4 pages of SMS telling me to enjoy my homework while he dun understand how my system goes.Which part of my Proposal and 4 online module with clear description inside proposal and a Tomcat install into Netbean he dun understand.If because my English poor and make you hard to understand I'm deeply sorry for that la.

Dunno how to install TomCat into NetBean is also not an excuse since Web Service practical also got use already,why not ask teacher how to install as well?I dun understand.I'm definitely give up already,anyone die,pass or fail also not my concern.

Luckily during the mood down session,I still get some comfort from my junior.We share some past experience and it reminds me of the pass Diploma life and definitely the words I received,cheer me up alittle.Thx to my junior...^^

Temporary,I'm really not good in mood due to more and more things that I have to face soon.Hopefully in the end,I'm able to handle them all la.

どうして(Why?)

Hmmmm..let see,lately kinda busy as usual and not much interesting activity but due to last week mid term and not much tutorial is disscussed causes me to be able to finish my weekly target easily.Today plan to start my FYP document's diagram but sue to lack of information so wasted 1 night in totally free mode.Plan to finish it within this week and more and more pressure staff is coming as well.

Lately learnt something and experienced something as well.1 of it is many people around me are not really as hardworking as me but their results are far better than me.It makes me wonder that am I hardworking the wrong way or am I hardworking because of something unnecessary that's why I cannot achieve further?Should be face problem la until the end......XP.

Next I keep asking myself whether I should do it then later I'll ask myself again whether am I doing the right things.Due to this 2 question keep repeating on my mind causes me to lost sometimes,but I also realise that decision need to be made in order to move further.No one can make the best decision but we do learn from mistakes that we made.The price to pay is kinda high and made me really feel like dun want to wake up the next day.In the end I still wake up and need to face them 1 by 1.

Then the thing I always forgot is people often keep a question on their mind when making friends,that is familiar or not familiar.I never think of this question so everytime when I'm reminded,it often make me start to worry and I also start to keep a distance from people.It's kinda cruel reality for me.Lately I realize that there's someone I wish to understand more but I end up keeping my distance because of not familiar always appear on my mind...and someone that I didn't really care before suddenly I feel more comfortable to be with.The feeling is so strange because I dun have to be afraid of no topic to chat and very strange feeling,it's all just so naturally......kinda dun understand why.

Finally,Chinese song makes me moody....I just realise that Chinese song is definitely moody until you listen liao you will feel like tomorrow is 2012.So today I listen to Japanese song again and it makes my feeling better.....^^.....

Ermmm...this week is kinda free and have some spare time,I think blog theme should be updated.....^^

Kampar triped..

Hey long time didn't post again and definitely busy with current life but I'm still survive until now although most event will took my life.LOL just kidding,life definitely not really smooth as until now then I got chance to update my last week's trip post.

This is definitely a happy post not to worry.haha.So last week Friday I went to Kampar to visit my friends.People really confused why KL is so cold while Kampar is so hot and boring but I go Kampar.The answer is always I go to visit frens,erm..is it kinda stupid..I think so as well...haih....It's the 1st time I sit train alone and it's kinda boring because totally alone in the train and the train keep showing stupid commercials while beside me is a Malay girl...ok atleast still a girl not that bad and we have a little chat about 3 sentences and a bye bye?...that's all.

So arrive at 8:30pm and Siew Ying so friendly and keep sms with me all along so that I'm not that boring.I fetch by Kang Wei to have dinner 1st and they said the restaurant is very crowded normally but I get to taste it today..LOL....the menu after see liao really many crow flying around because very very normal and the price is not so affordable as well...so a normal burger will do I guess.

Later we went back to Ah Goon's hostel and also my place to stay for the days in Kampar,so I have a bath and the rumors that Kampar really hot is true de wor because after bath straightly sweat.The level of hot can be compared with Penang.Next after bath I set up my computer and have a chat with Siew Ying to plan what is the event for tomorrow for quite a long time.We chat until 1am because keep changing plan.Later I find Lih Ting as well because long time didn't saw her as well,so ask her to join our plan.

So the next day morning we go to Dim Sum as planned by Jing Yi and it's kinda ok I think as before going I receive quite alot of bad comment but later it's still ok only the dim sum is cold geh and giam eh..=.=....walao eh.It's kinda happy to see back Jing Yi and Siew Ying in the morning and Jing Yi still like old times,definitely like to suan siao me and expose 2 of my old time story to Kuan Lok..ISH....but nvm,not really a bad thing as well.So breakfast ends and Kuan Lok took us to walk around Kampar with his car and that include UTAR.I took some photo inside and later we went home.

Later lunch at the new McD with Senior Woon...^^..long time didn't see him as well...kinda happy.The McD is not really that big and definitely crowded but we manage to get 2 tables to fit all people in.Compared to the one in MU,Kampar's still need improvement,but since it's the only McD there so not much choice they have.I have some chatting with Senior about company and old times and I introduce his junior to him as well.They communicate well also..haha...so we took a photo and end the McD session.Kampar McD ok ok la.....


Senior <3..^^

So next is Tesco session with Siew Ying and Jing Yi and the gang this time and I meet Hui Yee back,kinda unexpected with 2 new friends.So the Tesco is kinda ok I guest because still got Sushi King..wooo..I miss the chance to eat Bonaza but nvm.So the situation is 6 girls and I'm the only boy again..=.=..guest I'm also more to girls anyway.So 5 girls are gang but Lih Ting not really close to them so I guest I have to make sure Lih Ting didn't get bored but I'm not really that social type,so I only can think of event that can be shared or chat with,then I guest it works out kinda ok and manage to handle until the Sushi session end.

So next girls go to cosmetic while I just have to stand aside and get to know something with Lih Ting anyway.Then we all enter Tesco as their main purpose is to shopping and buy dairy product.So they scattered around and I'm with Lih Ting again.So we walk around and I take a look at what can be bought and finally I bought M&M and my favorite hacks sweet.Then it's the end Tesco session.Before going home with Lih Ting's housemate's car I take a photo with Siew Ying,Jing Yi and Lih Ting.





Then night time not much activity except I go to cycle with Ah Goon to buy a burger while I get a Teh Ais and then cycle around estate.Then I get to enjoy my Teh Ais at home because the cycling is kinda make me hot.Then not much activity left and I have an early rest.

Sunday is my final day here.Morning I go to breakfast with Kuan Lok and Eng Chin at mamak store because long time didn't have Roti Canai liao.So we have our breakfast and have some chatting until 11am then we go to train station to buy ticket.The ticket 6 something back to KL is finished so I have to buy a more expensive one and causes the trip very over budget...XD..but no choice la.

So the whole afternoon I didn't have activity except Facebooking and a nap then since got time I do packet tracer but all cannot ping..><"....then as planned by Eng Chin 6pm we go to Garden to take photo but the weather kinda bad.Except my boy's gang then Siew Ying and Winne join us as well...






So we walk around and take many photos together and until it rain heavily and we have to rush home.Felt kinda sorry for Siew Ying and Winne thought but happy to meet them...^^....

So my Kampar trip end with I go back to KL.So Kampar trip nothing much but Kampar lifestyle is really kinda boring until people there can sit anywhere that got floor and they can also BBQ at the road side...^^..kinda interesting.After came back to KL,the days are just like normal....kinda stress as well...haih...wonder am I able to survive through it..><"

I'm back to blogger

Hello I'm back in blogger,it's been quite some times since I update my blog,it's not because I didn't have anything to share,instead I got many things happen but I start to dunno how to write them out.Serlyn said that I'm infected by "Stupid Syndrome" and I think it could be a nice name for the situation I'm in.

Once I'm back to KL,I realize that things changed.The hostel currently staying is not as happy as before because all fren scattered and communication between housemates became less.People changed,always the saddest part,most people only close when they are near to you and need you,when you are not needed they won't even care about how are you.Homework not really a problem yet but FYP really gonna be a problem soon and i knew it's won't be easy,subjects such as Network and Distributed Computer System really will kill me slowly as I really cannot understand it.

Some events happened as well but I never update it to blog because I start to hesitate whether the update will annoyed other people's feeling or what.I'm afraid to see people give me a black face so I rather save it for my own.Long ago I never think of the question of whether you are familiar with someone or not because I believe that as long as I make friends with my heart then everything will be fine but now I realize it's not really that easy because people always think of the question familiar or not familiar before anything else so you will most probably get hurt even easier if you are not considering what they considering.

I realize that I have more and more problem to solve as I'm walking the path to a world that everyone must go.If I'm unable to cure the "Stupid Syndrome",I'm gonna be rejected by the society very soon.It's painful to walk alone but I dun have a choice as it's not easy to find someone who can understand and help you.

Among all the sad things that I face I'm still glad I have some fren that always give me support,the only things I believe in is No matter how cruel the reality is good friend's heart won't change just like some old friends I long time didn't contact,they still give me all the support that I need and it really touches me and let me keep on going.

So some happy moments after I back to KL is meet up with HL in KLCC for a dinner and walk around,she's kinda interesting and always have story to tell but sometimes she will stop telling when she thinks that it's suitable to be shared with.Kinda funny person but her words sometimes could be really useful for me to realize some facts,maybe due to her experience in real life.Hope to learn more things from her and more hang out though.

I also receive a nice drawing from Charis-san,my elementary level Japanese class fren.She's really kinda funny person,her drawing always amaze me because a simple sketch is already enough to be considered beauty.So I get a cute Miku drawing from her and I really love it.

Not to forget I really feel pai seh for someone because she really bought a present for my birthday even though I'm just kidding it,while everyone take it as a joke she really bought 1 for me.I felt sorry because it surely trouble her alot and until now I still not yet claim it yet.She's also a very friendly person and can be consider as true friend as well.I'm gonna nicely thank her when got chance.

Finally,I dun have enough time to change the blog theme for now because kinda busy with homeworks and assignment and Jaanese class.So gonna change it when I have more time.

In the mean time I hope that my "Stupid Syndrome" won;t be getting serious......wish me luck....

Intern Life Ended.

Yesterday ended my internship life.It's so fast and cannot be imagined that I made it.It's a meaning experience for me as I finally know what is it like to work in my studied field and I met alots of good fren here.

I still remember the 1st day when I arrive in the company the 1st fren I made is ToUpper(someone),she looks very friendly and we have some chatting,then I saw Chia Ying pass by and i already know she is also a trainee but I didn't greet her yet at the moment until when we go to office.

Arrive in office we waited to be called as we totally dunno what to do.So later we get a brief then introduced to all staff and register at personnel department then introduced to own section and start our working life.It's kinda creepy for me at 1st because suddenly the office is so silent and only I dun have things to do..><"...so later until lunch time already we follow senior go to have lunch outside and I start to make fren with trainee leader already.

1st day ends with I didn't do anything but I learnt how to setup Lotus Notes from senior trainee and practice to set it to another 2 trainee.2nd day I learn to log case and listen to some phone call and do daily reports.3rd day YC join us and I start to carry out some basic task but still quite free at the moment but due to too much chatting we get some attention from someone's God Mother.

4th day I start receive a call from TC department and I went there with senior trainee as I'm not familiar with the surroundings yet.Once inside I found interesting people inside and TC girl gets my attention as they call her Miss Tan but personally I only call people Miss when they are around 30 years old only.

So day by day I made more frens in System Department and I manage to carry more task with seniors help.I also realize that most of them also like me a hang out kaki..^^..so start to always hang out.The 1st activity I join is movie with some of them and at the moment I get to know HL.I have the task to update Window XP to service pack 3,so it fill up my time and I get to walk around and meet new people too.

Later senior trainee leave us already,that's the 1st sadness of people leaving I have.Later we have a trip to Pantai Kerachut and that's the time I get to join the company social event and I found out TC girl join us too and that's the time she get the title TC girl..^^...not really close to her yet at the moment as I'm not the kind of person that dare to speak to beautiful girl...><"..the trip was very fun and we enjoyed it.

After the event it's also quite near to an end of my SP3 upgrade.At the moment I receive the news that more people's will be leaving the company and 1 of it will be HL.I'm kinda sad to hear it because I was just started to get close to her...T_T...but nvm even though she leaves,she's still my fren now...^^...so after the SP3 upgrade I get to learn new things that is PC replacement.YC will prepare the PC to be replace like software installation while I'll take it to user and replace them.I learnt more things from here on.

Later the second bath of upgrade started and I start to busy again but it's already half of my training life gone.When second batch of upgrades finish I get a programming task from Miss Ooi and I get to learn programming.Due to the time I have is not much so I have only can try my best.Later Maw Seng and Ah neng that taughtme alot in technical section also left us.I'm really sad because they make me grown alot but the reality cannot be changed.

I continue my programming.The task given is not really easy and it's also not that hard.I get a new experience in working.The first task it took me 3 weeks to complete as a study because I'm totally new to it.I met many dead end and at the moment I realise that many colleagues willing to lend me a hand when I need 1.The 1st most valuable experience I get is SQL from Fong that open up my eye that SQL can be written in this way.After the study is done.I get the next task and it becomes easier to me.I stuck at final second task for almost a week due to information display cannot meet the Person in Charge's requirement.At this moment I get another valuable experience from SN Ho.With her help I get new experience but later i also receive her leaving news and it shocked me.

People come and go in this life and only foot steps are left behind.By the time she leave it's also the final 2 days for our training life.I use the remaining days to settle all my cases and do my report as much as possible.At the same time I'm planning for final gathering as a trainee.Some people feel like BBQ and some wanna sing K but I can only make 1 and due to many problem if doing BBQ then we go to sing K.

So we have 13 people joining and we get all the student card required so that it's very valuable but the room get is quite not enough space.It's still consider ok for a gathering.

Finally it's the end of the day and I wake up in a totally different world.Although training life is not always happy and tired but I thinking back,I like it alot.The feeling of leaving is never easy for me but life has to keep on going.I have more problem waiting me up ahead.

When I settle all the problem,I hope that I can have the moment of happiness back.

Thx you to all colleagues that always by my side and enriched my life and I'm really happy to meet you all....^^

Thx to other trainee too,without this intern I might never meet some of you.I'm glad that all of you are a good fren in my life too.

Thx to all people that give me guidance directly and indirectly too.It's something valuable to me and I'll remember them well.

New chapter of my life begin at Monday,I hope that it will be an interesting chapter too.

21 years old Birthday.

So Friday ago was my 21st Birthday.Although I get more wishes this year but nothing much special,just like any other year I'm having exams during birthday.

So that day afternoon,due to no people date me,so I decided to back to office to continue my task because dun feel like drag it until after Raya.I try to do it and meet some problem in the middle but still manage to get the things I want.Around 4pm I start to get stuck on how to continue so I decided to go to Pacific to find my new friend.

So I have a dinner with my new friend and have a walk around to see anything really cheap to buy or not.Not much to buy for me so after take a photo with my new fren I go home liao.On my way to pay parking ticket I receive a sms from HuiLan to invite to go for Tom Yam mee.

So 8pm++ me ,HuiLan and Ken go for Tom Yam mee that HuiLan craze for it long ago.The mee is ok la but if you take too much 'leow' then it really expensive lo...HuiLan's RM12 and it really surprised me,while mine de RM11 and it is the most expensive Tom Yam mee I have in my 21 years life..@.@....Ken de only RM6....






So we take a picture with HuiLan and then I have to go home to celebrate with my family already.My mum ordered a big cake for me and it's really nice but cannot celebrate birthday is our family tradition and they didn't plan much about it so it's kinda ok party.I get a cool gift from my mum too,it's a pen with a laser pointer at the other end and the pen's head can be extended to become a pointer during presentation.Thx Mum...^^




So it ends my official birthday.Really noting special lo,but atleast I get a cake from my mum.So the next day I go to Hyper to do part-time since Steambot invite by Serlyn and Samantha is 10:30pm?...@.@ wow...never have steambot so late and never have steambot so less people....><"...Since my Birthday and Samantha's is on the same day,so we decided to celebrate together when all are free and I can take a chance to meet up Serlyn before going back KL.

So I go to part-time 12pm and home at 9pm.I'm kinda tired because stand whole day but still promised liao..I have to go....I faced 2 traffic jam on the way and it's already 11:30pm when I arrive.Not much people left and only us eat until 12:30pm



Due to Serlyn's cake didn't open yet so I decided to go to either a people's house to open it.So it's decided to Samantha's house.So we have a small event in Samantha's house and have some photo taking and chatting then cake eating.






When almost 2pm we decided to go home liao since it's very late liao.I send Serlyn home 1st since Samantha already in her own house liao.After I send Serlyn home just a few miles away,I open my GPS since I dunno the way home.

The way home is fully Highway and it'a DARK and I'm ALONE IN THE DARK.....T_T...scary la...so I rush 120 home but the road kana cannot finish forever de.Finally it used me 30min to arrive home and Serlyn said already consider fast liao.

Ok that's all for my Birthday triple day event.